In the process of recovering three months of bank statements in order to get approved for a new apartment (I got rejected anyway), I came across a cool little pie chart on my bank’s website that displays the amount of money leaving my bank account compared to the amount of money coming in. I wish I had not seen this pie chart. But it’s too late. It’s been in my head all week. I’m looking to save some money wherever I can now. Have y’all heard about the McDonald’s app? My co-worker told me about it. I mean obviously I had heard about it before then, but I probably never would have downloaded it if not for my co-worker, who loves the McDonald’s app.
My co-worker (we’ll call him “Greg”) eats McDonald’s just about every day. I haven’t seen Greg get as passionate about anything as he gets about the daily deals and rewards on the McDonald’s app. In fact, he hates just about everything related to work. He hates our job. He hates our boss. He threatens to quit every week. For Greg, the one good thing about this job is that there’s a McDonald’s about 250 feet from the entrance of our store. It is not uncommon for him to arrive at work at 11 a.m. with a slushy. Many people would be repulsed by this. But in Greg’s mind, a slushy isn’t such a bad breakfast food when it comes free with a $1 purchase of fries. Of course, these rewards are only available to customers who use the McDonald’s app, which he is a huge proponent of. So the other day, while that damn pie chart was hanging over my head, I finally decided to download the McDonald’s app. Time to explore. I occasionally stop into America’s favorite fast-food restaurant for a Crispy Chicken Sandwich, but other than that, I rarely eat at McDonald’s at all.
But the pie chart had spoken. I started getting the sense that there would be a lot of 20-piece nugget meals in my future. Did y’all know that you can get a 20-piece nugget for $5 on the McDonald’s app? Normally it costs about $7.50, at least in New York. But you save over $2 when you order on the app. With tax, I think the total comes out to around $5.44. Did I mention things are going really well for me right now? Just kidding, they aren’t. The McDonald’s app is pretty sweet, though. I am actually writing this on National French Fry day, so today you can just walk into McDonald’s and get a free medium order of fries. You don’t even have to buy anything.
It’s crazy to think that I wouldn’t have known about any of these fantastic deals if it hadn’t been for Greg. Plus I feel like he and I have gotten closer lately. I mean, we’re not like super close or whatever, but he helped me create an account on the app and had some good insights that I’m sure will help me out during future orders. Greg is thinking about taking another job at a different place, so I’m not sure how much I’ll be seeing him around here. I’m going to miss him. At least we got to know each other a little bit thanks to the McDonald’s app. Cool, right? People are pretty lonely these days, and McDonald’s is out here helping forge friendships. I feel like they could even add a feature on the app where you can connect with other lonely people who are also using the McDonald’s app in your area. You could chat a little bit on the app, meet up at a local McDonald’s that’s convenient for both of you and get to know each other over a few nuggets. If it’s okay for Hinge to barrage me with the hottest hard seltzer flavors between potential girlfriends, why can’t McDonald’s connect me with some potentially like-minded individuals between Big Mac orders?
I get that people don’t like corporations these days, and that totally makes sense because corporations have done some really bad stuff. But you’ve got to admit that these companies making it their goal to create irresistible products and experiences that satisfy our deepest desires is also, like, super cool. If anyone reading this knows someone who is high up at McDonald’s, can you maybe pass along my idea about the feature on the app where you can go get McDonald’s with a random person you vibed with on the McDonald’s app? I think it has potential. You could even make it to where you get a free order of fries if you show up at the restaurant with them. Hinge has never mailed me a 6-pack of hard seltzers for going on a date, so you’d already be beating dating apps at their own game. Just something to think about I guess.
Anyway, thanks McDonald’s. Thanks for helping me become buddies with Greg. He is grumpy a lot of times but he is a good dude. Also, he has bought so much food from your restaurant at the corner of 17th and Broadway in New York City. He honestly deserves free McDonald’s for life. I think I deserve a little something for this blog post, too. Not that it’s a big deal or whatever. I’d take a free slushy, though.
Hahah. But real talk the crispy chicken sandwich is disgustingly good.