How to Live With a Sibling Who Is More Successful Than You
Millennials are moving back in with their parents, and sibling rivalries are being renewed.
Before we get into this, I should make it clear that I’m not giving you this advice from experience. I have two siblings, and I’m doing as good as they are. As well. I’m doing as well as they are. My sister is a fashion designer, my brother is an architect, and I’m…I’m a creative. Soon-to-be entrepreneur. I’m a concepts guy. Always have been. In high school, my best friend drove to Atlanta to visit one of those companies that charges you $2,000 to tell you what you should be when you grow up. Apparently they told him he should be a CEO. All our friends laughed when he said that, but I remember thinking, “Well, I don’t have $2,000, but I bet that’s what they would tell me, too.”
My point is, I’m on track to do big things. So again, this isn’t from experience. Yes, I do live with my sister, but we’re both doing really well right now, okay? We’ve lived together for more than a year now, and at a time when some of my friends are moving back in with their families while we wait this virus out, I thought I would share a few tips I’ve picked up after a year of co-habitation with a sibling, my sister, who is equally successful but not more successful than me.
Look, sibling rivalries can be tough, and they’re even tougher when you’re stuck in close quarters with each other for the foreseeable future. I have friends who don’t talk to their siblings at all. Maybe some of you are in the same boat. Maybe you resent your brother because he simply outshines you on a regular basis. And now that you two are sharing the basement bedroom at your parents’ house for the next few months (or years), he’s really starting to get under your skin.
I don’t have that problem, because my sister and I lead equally prosperous lives. She’s a designer at an up-and-coming fashion house, and I’m getting ready to launch what will almost certainly be a very successful podcast. So I can’t really relate to you. But I understand your pain because I’m an empathetic person. See? It is empathy, not experience, that allows me to advise you on how to be The Least Successful Sibling in Your Family, a title that, just to be abundantly clear, does not apply to me personally. But if you suddenly find yourself back in your hometown, quarantining with a younger family member who’s leaving you in the dust, here’s how you want to handle it.
First of all, never act impressed by their accomplishments. If your eyes light up when your brother explains how his talent and dedication are paving the way for him to rise through the ranks of his industry, you’re already losing. Be impressed by these life updates, if you must. But never show it. That’s easier said than done, especially when the name-dropping begins. Your parents will be delighted by your sibling’s career advancements, but it will be nothing compared to their reaction when it gets out that your sister, for example, is designing clothes for A-list celebrities. The rest of your family will be overjoyed at this news, but you must remain calm and indifferent. “Kendrick who? Interesting. You said he’s a rapper? Hm, never heard of him. I’m more into conscious rap, actually. Oh, that’s his thing? Gotcha. Well, I’ll have to give him a listen sometime.”
Second, as the Least Successful Sibling, you can’t afford to get dragged into the success game. In fact, if anyone asks, you don’t really believe in success. Success is a construct. What you believe in is growth. Deconstruction. The process of unlearning. You don’t have time for success, because 8 months of isolation have opened your mind to higher planes of consciousness. You don’t believe in transactions anymore. If you did, you wouldn’t be here. You’d be busy making money back in New York. Of course, you don’t believe in money anymore either, despite the fact that you just spent a year paying $1,000 a month to split a tiny studio in one of the world’s most expensive cities. Sure, that fell apart for largely financial reasons, but more importantly, you’ve evolved. Your family’s dinner table discussions will inevitably revolve around career prospects and financial independence, but you subscribe to a different creed: the gospel of self-love and radical honesty. This is the foundation of your new religion, and soon it will be the foundation of your incredibly successful podcast.
Lastly, always exude confidence. Walk tall. You don’t have to actually feel confident, because confidence is all about how you carry yourself. I’ve gotten plenty of practice with this over the last decade because both of my younger siblings are taller than me. It would be extra embarrassing if they were more established professionals than I am, but fortunately, that is not the case. However, they both have a few inches on me, which is why I’ve learned that the way you carry yourself is key when you and your brother or sister are living under the same roof as adults. Have a little swagger as you walk into the kitchen and casually mention that you’ve got a few irons in the fire back in New York. A couple entrepreneurs hit you up on LinkedIn this week, you’ll say. Were they both spam messages in your inbox? Of course they were. But no one needs to know that, and they never will as long as you’ve got a little pep in your step as you crack open that IPA in front of the fam.
Confidence is everything. It will be essential to your overall vibe over the next three months, or six months, or two years, or however long this whole pandemic takes to die out. But more importantly, confidence is an integral part of your journey of self-actualization. That’s all that really matters, even when your siblings are long gone from the basement you still reside in, sharing their love and craft and insights with the world in ways you never will. Not that I would know.
Love it Witt! I definitely relate to the sibling success subject. My oldest sister is way more successful than I am, and I don’t really communicate with her on a regular basis because I’m insecure about her being better than me.
Haha, Witt, it's very funny. I don't have siblings, but i think i'd have such troubles as well.)