Challenging a local basketball genius
I got my ass kicked on the basketball court a few days ago. Hadn’t played 1-on-1 in years. Had the day off, walked over to the park, shot around for a bit. Thought I was gonna ease back into it. Layups. Free throws. Fundamentals. Maybe work on a jump shot that I never developed in high school. And by “work on” I mean start from scratch. I rarely hit a jumper in high school. Hustled on defense to compensate.
Anyway, while I was shooting around, this high school kid walked up and challenged me to a game. Next thing I knew I was getting demolished by this teenager. It was humbling. I was sucking wind, increasingly frustrated that I couldn’t make any shots. The most annoying part was that his dad was standing under the goal the whole time, coaching him through the beatdown.
We played four games to 11. By the end of the second game, my feet were totally blistered. Not an excuse. Kid was cooking me before the blisters. Point is, I was limping around, throwing up prayers, airballing sky hooks, breathing real heavy, just embarrassing myself in front of this kid and his dad. Good kid, by the way. He was always nice when he wasn’t knocking down three-pointers over my tired ass.
But his dad was pissing me off. Whole lotta pointless tips being yelled from under the basket. The first three games weren’t even close, and as we started game four, this kid’s dad goes, “Alright bud, only left-handed layups this game!” Hey dude, why don’t you chill out for a bit? Yeah, your son’s wiping the floor with me right now. I’m fucking tired. I couldn’t even hit threes in high school. Sure as hell won’t be hitting any today.
Also, why are you talking so much? We get it, your son is pretty good at basketball. I can see you had a lot to do with that. Hey everyone, check out Gregg Popovich over here. Really bringing the best out of this young talent. Thanks for gracing the courts with your presence today, Pops. Think we could set up a neighborhood clinic sometime so the rest of us can benefit from your coaching brilliance? I bet all these guys out here would drop their pickup games right now if it meant they’d get to run a few drills with a basketball genius like yourself.
Okay, sorry I got so defensive there. Honestly, good for you, Pops. I’m sure your son has a bright future in Division 3 ball. But next time, how ‘bout I play you? I’m gonna head over to the courts next Wednesday, hope you and your son are there so I can challenge you to a game. Your beer belly vs. my beer belly. You definitely have one. I actually didn’t think I had one, but then my parents came to visit a few days ago and my mom asked me if I was getting a beer belly, and I said no, and she said, “Well, then why does it look like you have one?” and now I’m thinking about it all the time. Anyway, that basically puts us in the same pick-up basketball category, Pops. I’ll see you next week. Wednesday, 2 p.m. Best two out of three.